Diary of a Poet
There is an end to all things
though it may not be the original goal
But the things we learn along the way
are all, no matter, fractions of the whole
Dear Reader
The first hundred copies of this book were printed with a spirit duplicator, after I made the third hundred copy
run of Just Scribbled Words. I was selling crystal at a flea market in Searsport, Maine, and playing with auctions
and selling junk
there procured; they were right, that table made far more money, and regularly. It is rather odd
to read this, thirty-four years later. I can certainly see my growing arrogance; this was written right about the time
that first edit of Just Scribbled Words left me with a twenty-five-hundred poem manuscript, and I was going to rise!
I wonder what happened to Marie...
I do hope you find some lines that touch your heart, or sing to your soul, as you read this!
#85 , #86 , #87 , #88 , #89 , #90 , #91 , #92 , #93 , #94
#95 , #96 , #97 , #98 , #99 , #100 , #101 , #102 , #103 , #104
#105 , #106 , #107 , #108 , #109 , #110 , #111 , #112 , #113 , #114
#115 , #116 , #117 , #118 , #119 , #120 , #121 , #122 , #123 , #124
#125 , #126 , #127 , #128 , #129 , #130 , #131 , #132 , #133 , #134
#135 , #136 , #137 , #138 , #139 , #140 , #141 , #142 , #143 , #144
#145 , #146 , #147 , #148 , #149 , #150
1 FEB 86
#85
I know i am not the first
to admire you from afar
just a stranger's observance
today this page does mar
It is not your body
perfect in curve and line
it is not your poise
or how you dress so fine
It is not your hair
set sensuously free
or your crystal clear, deep eyes
where many feelings be
But where i see the beauty
is where you have the choice
in early mornings' greetings
the warmth within your voice
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4FEB86
What is your favorite thing to do?
#86
The sky is shattered in glorious crimson shades
as the tired sphere of day
sinks once again into vision's edge
And as the distant din of the city fades
falling leaves in bright array
begin to litter every hedge
Crackling twigs are wanderer's broadcast
as the chatter of remaining birds
trespassing on forest's eeriness
The simple wonders there are vast
beyond the fare of words
and our urban weariness
The smell of winter the nostrils touch
as the air is filled with eve
the fears of its natives drain
To them the night is not a crutch
nor reason there to grieve
but in the dark their world is plain
The sense of sound and sound of sense
in dark quick become acute
and the forest's other side we see
And as the fog of civilization relents
and one climbs this, tranquil's butte
they find a fathomless free
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5FEB86
another try...
#87
The grass is dry and brittle
in field at forest's edge
the birds have begun to lessen
that vocalize the hedge
The forest prepares winter's silence
its quiet but loudest sound
the leaves have turned bright colors
and fluttered to the ground
Its canopy is open
its floor awkward in the blaze
florescent shades of moss
ferns lit in sudden daze
Trees turned to skeleton
nests to open view
inhabitants of cover
find their havens few
The wind whistles freely
not blocked by summer's bars
at night its pitch of blackness
is voided by the stars
It mourns itself in silence
accepts its frozen sting
but deep in its essence
in joy awaits the spring
I could write a book.
You could?
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#88
I wish your presence near
but understand your fear
and i want you to know nothing will change
Should you decide it best
to let time deploy its test
i would find no need our friendship rearrange
If anything, i would respect you more
know that your position here is sure
my interest is not lost in mime
The best that i could do
is print a rose for you
its garland formed in rhyme
The pressures are only in light
and bribery is not right
i want you, but only by your will
Believe that i have control
the desires only make it whole
i only have a void to fill
The empty space is named Marie
and however she wishes to be
i am open to receive
Be it glimpses in a crowd
or feelings echoed loud
i wait for you to believe
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#89
I have already said
i could commit any horrid crime
but just to molest you
would i waste this much time?
If torture was in mind
would i wait for your consent
could i not just follow and snatch
if it were my intent?
A killer needs no permission
a rapist awaits no reply
why would i make you laugh
if i wished to see you cry?
You do not know me now
and only traces then
i cannot show you mind throbs
only the places i have been
You would have to live within me
a seduction of the soul
to understand completely
the fractions of my whole
And there are gates of granite
to keep trespassers out
but ask them be open
i will slice into the doubt
A goddess you are of stature
an angel you are in thought
but i am above all enticements
but the intricacies by which i am caught
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#90
There is only you and me
and days that pass
so freely we let go
Eclipses of entity
our morning mass
as we start to grow
I rejoice in what i see
of tapered class
and sensuous eyes aglow
Of what has come to be
of the young lass
this chance i have to know
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#91
Do you remember
as a child
the puppy love
and feelings wild?
Then as you grew
the power it brought
only to be mistrusted
by your inner thought
Then maybe thinking
it was of life a game
to leave desirous being
of heart and soul be lame
Then wishing it away
and stepping from its view
turning abruptly cold
when it escorted someone new
And the loneliest ultimatum
to never let it through
well, at one time in history
i have been there too
But as it drew its distance
its dim echo caught my eye
and i thought there was more
than the way it was let try
Maybe it held answers
that no one could reveal
maybe there was more
to the way it could feel
I remounted it in passion
again i was thrown
time after time after time
the most pain i have ever known
But drenched in raged frustration
i could not let it recede
i had to be its master
an indispensable need
Again i stood, again i fell
again i tightened my hold
again, with each failure
i dared return and bold
And then i led the power
into a collision of the minds
into the growth of acquaintance
and a higher love that binds
Finally the battles
were not histories to pain
but the keys to future's wealth
and philosophies of gain
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#92
I cannot say
i am above desire
to be relieved
of finance's life long toll
I cannot say
i am free of lusting
for a newer way
to bring to days an ease
And i have no control
of my mind's rusting
and the channels
i have let freeze
But i am joyed to hold
a self-obliterated slate
to step once again forward
in the direction i will to be
To have destroyed the walls
once believed to be fate
to be the proud possessor
of a soul that is free
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#93
There is a message
i cannot read
in puffs of smoke
i see each day
I know that it holds
awe inspiring seed
i shall continue
to try to find a way
Each morning as i watch
i feel i start to know
phrases just beyond
distinctions i can touch
Then, just when i am close
the sender has to go
and i quickly lose
my ever fragile clutch
And again i must wait
the return of dawn
to fill my coffee pot
and then turn it on
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#94
Obviously the world
does not comprehend
or even begin to wait
for messages i will send
I deal with possibilities
that my acceptance will not come
then would rest my aspirations
in the personally delivered sum
Even in this realm
i have surpassed first's bound
the joy i have received
above all thought be found
Yet, also, it feeds my lust
world acknowledgement to hold
a hunger that only grows
and in time is never old
My power is a gift
i cannot claim my own
only to be grateful
for contributes i have known
But i think not myself
worth this gift's exclus'
to reap alone its harvest
the uttermost abuse
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#95
Flurries upon the wind
decorate the sky
creating blankets of white
upon the ground to lie
And footsteps once forgotten
leave their trace
winter's barren floor
now has its lace
And randomly it drifts
like waves upon the sea
glittering as the stars
even more beautifully
Stood in molds of children
lived in by Eskimo
pleasure of many fashions
this miracle of snow
The anger of the heavens
released within a storm
and all of this glory
just water in one form
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#96
I do not mean to push
in my efforts to receive
it is just that the walls
of this world i disbelieve
I am not of this culture
nor measured by its rule
accepting not its ignorance
i am mortal, but no fool
I reach beyond the boundaries
placed
on every man
and i have taken with me
those who know
they can
I have forsaken trust
with the insight to know
and i have walked the roads
to places no one would go
I have let the hands of death
wrap its fingers 'round my soul
and i have spit into its face
but i find i pay the toll
Now i play with powers
that others cannot for fear
a place i wished to be
but it is lonely here
Still i am trapped
to Earth by body's fare
to the stagnant-minded
in my search for comfort there
And those who someday will
have not yet found their strength
expanding to their width
but still so short in length
Then those left in awe
by the tremors of the mind
who see such satisfaction
in such an ordinary find
In times of temptation
i have envied simple ease
but effortlessly
how can one please?
Is the comfort rewarding
that one receives free
or the wealth of an heir
ever led with dignity?
So few have joined
parted by death or miles
but left engraved their images
and knowledge of lost styles
For the moment our roads met
a lifetime of its own
i beg you, please, exceed
the walls unquestioned grown
For time is an illusive
and the world does not wait
Please, do not find access
and desires formed too late
Each moment that we tarry
is an era we have missed
And bar we do not bury
a lover we have kissed
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#97
If i told you
that my heart
too many times broken
In shattered remains
seeking love
reaches for your hand
That even love
so mistreated
was once left to die
That this time
without obsession
tries again to stand
The early morning
i stand aside
awaiting every word
Becomes a haven
from tortured past
that i cannot forget
Behind my eyes
dammed and damned
the fading fears of past
Memory
a high wire
forced without a net
And like a child
i am terrified
of moments left alone
So i wander
in stranger's crowd
escaping echoed home
And that i seek
from those who smile
a spark for my own fire
For the life
beyond the mind
and the joy beyond the poem
It is ironic
in a way
the struggles we now lead
You wondering
if you should grant
what i have sought
While i watch
trembling
standing aside
in certain horror
fearing
that you will not
Would you then understand?
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#98
How long does one torture
one's self for things not done
How many times must one feel foolish
when again they have begun
How many days must pass
how much innocent blood must run
How much pain be taken
how much freedom be shun
How many collapses
can one being take
How many burdens borne
for just one mistake
How many coals
upon the soul to rake
How long will it be, my friend
before you can awake?
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#99
I have given every effort
i have envisioned every prayer
Yet to both of our sorrows
tomorrow will not find us there
Am i only a temptation
just cast upon your day
Or am i an answer
to questions asked a different way
Have you stammered hopeless
against relentless wall
Have you ever listened
to your own hallowed call
Have you in the mirror
seen the crystal spheres
Raged in desperation
against your many fears
Is there still no justice
in the wranglings of your part
Are there no open chambers
in your tender, trembling heart?
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#100
There rises within me
anticipation searing wild
yet by rugged regulation
momentarily i stand as mild
I see your face a picture
with my time i wish to frame
though intentions flow freely
actions stagger as if lame
I read your words of yesterday
while dreaming what will be
as you go about your day
i am satisfied to see
When talk comes, it's forever
must be broken without end
but of instances it lasts
i keep the messages you send
When i am alone at night
they are written on mind's wall
and before a single line i write
i must reread them all
Again i feel the urgency
expressed acutely in your eyes
i understand the wave of guilt
that in your situation lies
For the days you lie beneath
there will be years you stand above
and i am more than proud to offer
all you can ask of me in love
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#101
I have spent years within the mind
in a world where logic is king
so long now i have forgotten
emotion's sweet kisses and its sting
Now i wander old streets in new abandon
seeking strangers not lost to fate
and i find that all the feelings
can be from friends that then were mate
I drive in new directions
as the flower begins to grow
with what is left of a lifetime
the millenniums there are to know
I wish to retouch as many people
whose path as much as touches mine
while the rules of old existence
i yet struggle to redefine
I saw you first one morning
right where you had always been
but for pure warmth in your greeting
we would still be where we were then
Though a drifting ship unchartered
sighting your liner was answered prayer
i wish to dance with your dancers of mood
and to sleep in your cabins of care
Carnations were just a bridge to build
to a door that will never close
from me, a simple daisy
to you, a flaming rose
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#102
I either tell you you are gorgeous
or i am showing you shades of ink
Forgetting far too often
say what i see or of it think
Definition's one description
lies in a woman of warrior's will
Who is caught in evil's gateway
but harbors good's inventions still
I see a dove who has been grounded
by raged releasings of the sky
One of glorious form and color
who in the end again shall fly
I see a doe in fall's forest
who watches man, but fears his gun
I see a racer who keeps running
when already she has won
I bathe in saturating showers
pouring precious from your smile
Climb the manifested towers
you graciously emit in style
Most of all i want to tell you
how thankful i am of heart
to have come across your wondrous world
to have been granted, this, my part
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#103
Should tomorrow bring an ending
to this age you are in
and should you seek new surroundings
a place another to begin
Please find a way to think of me
as someone other than of old
in the face of abandon
find in our power to be bold
And lead me to your new life
even feed me a different role
just do not leave me here believing
all i have is what i stole
I plan to burn no bridges
but to construct so many more
so age will find us still growing
even farther than days before
I wish not restrict your travels
read not interpretations wrong
i will hope for tomorrow should you leave
and have more memories should your stay be long
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#104
Have you heard the lesser side
and listened to what they say
how the world is infested with cruel
and pain is just life's price to pay
Did you once believe them
casting too quick your hope aside
letting them fit their binders
baptizing you in non-pride
Did you walk their roads of rubble
haphazardly in line
did you eat their poison patties
dare drink their wine
Did you hear how they hypnotize
with the dronings of their voice
did they have you once accepting
it was your way without a choice
Did you see nothing in the darkness
not even one distant star
did you ask yourself disgusted
how it even got that far
Well, i listened far too long
only waking yesterday
the soft seconds spent with you
erased almost all of what they say
Can you help me disprove
their only words that still haunt
they say, Nothing last forever
but the things that you don't want!
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#105
I wait for you to think of me
your sound is in my ear
along with face's posture
to make it all quite clear
The raising of your brow
the thinning of your lips
the leading of your eyes
the wagging of jaw's hips
In temperaments of tone
emphasized by hand
in sarcastic swagger
when the tart turns bland
Speaking to you is visual
in person or in mind
the artistic animation
that causes words to bind
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#106
Could i touch your skin
without you thinking advance
if i knelt to kiss your hand
would it be written off as chance
Could you hold me in your arms
if i could not hold back the tears
could you kiss my wrinkled brow
without feeling all your fears
Could we walk in unmown meadows
while a hand each other's held
could you accept friendship as a reason
if our hearts were to be swelled
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#107
It caused me no anger
that you did not call
my friendship did not stagger
threatening to fall
There was not building
a river behind my eyes
there was no explosion
accusing you of lies
I only had a sadness
in the corner of my heart
i covered quick with memories
cascading from our start
And cruelty i have cornered
did not vibrate its cell
and i would not even think
to place you in my hell
Only was i regretful
because of my own need
for the love sprinkling
of our friendship's seed
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#108
I got my office
i got my pen
and a thousand reasons to write
I got my lyrics
dusting on a shelf
and i'd sell my soul to sing them tonight
I got your picture
as i see in ink
but it don't stand a chance in your light
I got your attention
'til just after dawn
but its just the start of our flight
I could be careful
in honor i give
but the prince of printed picture it would slight
I could ask your body
on the alter of proof
but such infestation of freedom isn't right
I just ask for your feeling
in the mortal search
forged to finding Heaven's height
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#109
There are too many ships
with no anchor
alight on the sea
in life's storm
Too many fogs
of abandon
render them distant
and untrue to form
Too many logs
with no entries
and messages
taken askew
Too many charts
yet unplotted
not expecting
the storm
ever through
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#110
You have to ask yourself the reasons
why you feel the way you do
You have to take away their right
to put you through what you go through
Cruelty has no causes
outside of what it is in
And only One could bear the cross
of any other person's sin
You have to look at the world
for what it is, and not said
You have to stop feeding fuel
to a feeling that would be dead
To see each day as a beginning
to all that is good
Treating yourself to life's roses
the way your wonderful woman should
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#111
You in your cashmere castle
i in my worn denim tent
sacrificing everything
living life without lent
Wallowing in 'ware of the stranger
quickly accepting a friend
seeing all as serious
too prone to pretend
Exercising etiquette
just doing as i please
wrapped in responsibility
skirting mine with ease
Sensitive to situation
regulated by no rule
awed by inspiration
using it as a tool
Wishing world's acceptance
trying to bring it change
wishing to be normal
wanting to be strange
Wanting to see me?
desperate to be close
believing in balance
seeking overdose
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#112
How many pages must i crumple
in half attempts of heart
How many hours will i spend
tearing my mind apart
How many pastures will i pass
my lost lines longing to graze
And how often in the presence of precious
will my description lie in laze
How many tears to tumble
becoming blotches on purity's page
How phrase to fashion
before costume is cast on stage
How many words will wobble
promising proper release
'Til finally they fit the feeling
serving my soul its peace?
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#113
I have previously written
Perfect in curve and line
I have lunched with lads of liaisons
who would have me sip lusts' wine
They say that love is free
but love abused has tolls to pay
so i keep thoughts of you clean
though i would not have you think me gay
And i do not live life limp
you quickly cause my blood to run
But sex has found a subtle means
of getting people fucked in more ways than one
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#114
The question of pedestal
does not bring me surprise
Because at times in the mirror
there is little sight in your eyes
Remember your memory
is only yours, inside
To me, your pen painter
you have nothing to hide
Our situation's beauty
lies not only in my line
But in what you feel as rough edges
with me you can redefine
You need not fear repentance
i have nothing to forgive
You can relax your guard
and learn at last to live
And if you can erase with me
the impurities your life has hurled
Then you can present the new Marie
to the rest of the world
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#115
If you are worried about your secrets
you will have to practice eye control
For i have learned of experience
to look at windows of the soul
I can see that you are wavering
on the cortex of cautionless abyss
Only held by the deception
that my intentions are amiss
But do not waste worry woman
we have only seen a decade of days
But time is just the tempered tune
on the palette of the mind that plays
I have not the slightest wish to hurt you
there are only tropics on my course
But i need to know the tendencies
lest ignorantly i cause remorse
I have made myself a martyr
many times by explicitness of pen
And the places you fear be sent
are all places i have been
Please find mercy in your motion
to terminate the length of trial
Why would i not walk the distance
when already i have run the first mile?
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#116
The black is for the darkness
the red is for the love
and the yellow is the power
to lift our Earth-dragged minds above
Can you not see clearly
that your tears are fired in vain
I want not of the old world
but to achieve an higher plane
Marie! We are humans
all have the great gift of thought
adorned with the decisions
of all that is and is not
We are only two stars
in an entire universe
there are a thousand different worlds
on which our light we can disperse
And we find that we are as close
as those around are far away
It is not as if we are restricted
we have all of space to play
It is not explainable
but a place you must see
so could you toss your troubled walls aside
and come to it with me?
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#117
There is only one God
and i could not challenge His Deity
and i do not want to be
another god, without a capital g
I really wish not to rule
but maybe stimulate those that do
i find i only arrange
not creating anything new
My mind has teased with titles
subtly placing them in verse
and through all the years
i have a list quite diverse
First there came penpainter
more definition than name
the prince of printed picture
one that might match the fame
The puppeteer of words
casting them brilliantly to stage
the word arranger
the deciphering of printed page
The rhyme weaver
adding color to what i say
the watch writer
that gives me my room to play
But i am not a poet
a general conveyance of poetry
i stand, self-appointed
The Poet, with a capital P
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#118
Sometimes
but not too often
there is nothing
left to write
Like the lull
there is in traffic
in the middle
of the night
When the wind dies
down on the ocean
and the gulls use
their wings for flight
Then the coming
of the dawn
brings another
day its light
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#119
The moments that we spend
have been abruptly torn away
No longer may i meet your morning
at the ending of my day
And what of your smiles
and shadows of your word
And what of eyes' expression
that daily i have heard
?
I, who am not worried
by the feeling that i show
Find i fear tomorrow's dawn
of its banishment and throe
I see you are assiduous
to constraints you have deployed
But! I beg you! have the mercy
to exempt this noxious void
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#120
Seeing again your reasons
i cradle my hallowed heart
when never did i think
outsiders would tear us apart
I know your reservations
i have felt their shield of pain
but know our separation
i would feel as close again
I know tears' lonely terror
the sentence of solitude
i know the caution in your era
the upheavals of your mood
I knew the lane was narrow
still i reached into your night
and i saw in my insistence
heart's first glare of hopeful light
But this instant isolation
was never cast into my view
and i am swept with sorrow
for times i cannot talk to you
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#121
Maybe i am greedy
in my ambition toward your trust
for the freedom of your thought
the creativity of pen's thrust
So much i can see
in the words that have been
and how much more
will the words be holding then?
The weary word arranger
with your silence grows idly stale
so, how, in non-encounters
can i pay my duty's bail?
Am i back to pressure
in requisitions of your will
or am i purely pleading
my empty lines for you to fill?
Are you warmed by your own fire
or overcome by its smoke
do you let it unattended
or signal by blanket's stroke?
I wait with my ink brush
and my canvas made of line
i hold to your care keg
my dry and dusting stein
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#122
When it happened to me
what remained was rubble
and the wind of grief
blew dust storms
of my memories
into my pedestalling eyes
and vision fell
And i laid quietly
in my grave of guilt
and time came as a thief
into the night
stealing hope's flowers
the only decoration
within my hell
Until curiosity
like an arch angel
to mourning's relief
led my lost eyes
to the living world
outside my hell
And it showed me
my accusers' hearts
and against my belief
i saw them
lost judgment
and each had its own
evil well
And it showed me
a heart full of love
and loving
that was my own!
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#123
To save you blushing gestures
i try to keep my awe in key
but at each first appearance
i am shaken by what i see
Your mesmerizing eyes
their refraction of moods' light
your soft or silly smile
accentuated and bright
The waves within your hair
as grains of gold in dune
frame exotic expressions
as fulfilling as symphony's tune
Your tender talking hands
weaving sentences in mime
your dancing tone of voice
a ballerina in her prime
And then the way you move
as the passing of a fawn
there is not one other
i would rather rest my eyes upon
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#124
This
a day of love
and lovers
of roses
and bouquets
of cards
and candies
of hearts
and hugs
of kisses
and corsages
is just
another day
i cannot
spend
with
you!
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#125
I sat alone last night
drinking beer and attempting verse
in a dim lit tavern
full of the Eve's converse
There were women with roses
and there were couples snug
even came an old friend
with a warming hug
But my pen, stuck in slumber
would not paint for me
and my meditative mind
had nothing to hear or see
There were many scribbles
and many a shredded page
but creative calculations
were far beyond words' rage
Inside my shell of existence
there were echoes of you
but they were not fading
as echoes usually do
They built to vicious volume
exploding emotion's ear
and blindly my heart
accepted this silent fear
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T o C
#126
I have an obsession for women
not pertaining to sexual drive
their art to manifest feeling
and empathy that is alive
Their gift of practicality
their intuition's way
their instinct to be tender
their delicate array
Their beholding of beauty
their shades of the same
their subtle means of power
their passions untame
The guarding of their aire
their gentle, giving grace
their way of backing down
but never losing face
The innocence of their judgment
seeing the better side
the winds of their patience
on which with ease they glide
Their soft way of rebuttal
their vision of mind's eye
and maybe most intriguing
their freedom in which to cry
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#127
There are times
when i am happy
and times
when i am sad
times
when i am anxious
and times
when i am mad
There are times
when i do not care
and times
when i wish to please
times
when i hate the world
and then
times like these
When i am full
of love and loving
and full
of thoughts of you
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#128
Now, at last, i have you
over for dinner and rhyme
so pizza isn't caviar
and lines take little time
But candles last for hours
and so does talk and toast
finally your full attention
what i desire most
Just casual conversation
a chance to prove my intent
to show you by action
that what i said was meant
Then before you left
a goodbye kiss and kind
i just wish it could have happened
on the outside of my mind
Top
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15FEB86
#129
Walking
sunning
skiing and matinee
talking
running
being and games to play
Fishing
bowling
rocking and formal dispute
wishing
rolling
flocking and playing flute
Hunting
climbing
skating and pick-up-sticks
punting
chiming
waiting and things to fix
Eating
drinking
dancing and radio
meeting
winking
prancing and places to go
Of all the things
there are to do
there must be one
please
i can with you
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16FEB86
#130
If it was you birthday
So, another year has passed
but it does not show
and i have come running fast
to let you know
That as these days go by
my good memories build
and the banners of friendship fly
on the pole my love has hilled
So may your special day
be banished of all but bliss
and with no more to say
may i start it with a kiss?
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#131
Here it is the dawn
are you sleeping
how was your eve
my night was long
Now i am gone
are you weeping
will you receive
this my song
I am just a pawn
not made for leaping
but even though i grieve
i still am strong
I rest my hope upon
future's keeping
when, alas, you believe
and i belong
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17FEB86
#132
You seem very pleased
when i come to you
or has my vision grown
desirously lame
Can you not see
my heart is fragile
and innocently asks
you do the same
Or would you rather line
be delivered
that i stop requesting time
so precious little
Your eyes are calling
but will not accept
leaves me standing so unsure
bleeding in the middle
It is just your presence
we need for victory
only in our distance
can we fail
I see a ship
lifting anchor
i feel time's tempered wind
and wish to sail
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T o C
18FEB86
#133
Sorrow's tears have turned to elation
now that no-man's land has been freed
The hopes that have burned see revelation
when at last you can offer what i need
And i drink to the furtherance of relation
and the final sprouting of long awaited seed
Maybe you have read exaggeration
into longing lines of desire's creed
But believe it was desperation
like the calling of nature is to breed
I found a way to fare through want's duration
and i found there was no shame on knees that plead
I found there was no room for exasperation
and that to the calls of caution i would not heed
I have accepted you as gold, no reevaluation
i have only come to join, not to lead
Be the donor of your deserved adoration
weaving it into rhyme for the world to read
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19FEB86
#134
Maybe my disappointment
looks like anger from afar
but you are not responsible
the interjections are
When i await your presence
certain expectations grow
and when it does not come
it hurts to watch them go
I am sure my smile does vanish
and possibly a frown
but in no way
does my mind then put you down
So if you are given messages
that say i have given slight
just know within your mind
that they could not have it right
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20FEB86
#135
Does the radiance
of your smile this morning
end the err
of interpretation yesterday?
I was horrified
by the thought of misportrayal
in terror i could not
find soothing words to say
Were you angered
in the aire of this misconception
were you torn
that i should treat you this way
?
Can it be let pass
as misunderstanding
can you refuse any future
falsehoods of disarray?
Can you accept me
in my avid admiration
can you know that
i have only good to display?
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#136
For years i was shredded
by the ires of life's way
now memories in amazement
that i could harbor such dismay
With you i find the values
that troubled thought can bring
and the art of interpretation
tribulation has a new ring
I await wondrous wretchings
that life can condone on me
and treasure the birth of each new vision
that is born to set me free
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21FEB86
#137
Between my typing of previous poems
and writing my new endeavor of lyricality
The Odyssey of The Minds of Hell
I again search the realm of 'our' welfare
and, seeing within you, joy's sparkle
i feel that all between us is well
Our hours reduced now to minutes
leave me lost for the proper words
inadequacy infests the few that i say
So in memorial of these moments
i sit in disorganized comfort
and bring forth my thoughts to relay
I stand in the winds of my memory
wet by the rains they have wrought
in wonted search for descript
And in my usual mode of conveyance
i am at my desk
with paper and ink fountain equipped
I start, once again
with redundant greeting
exclaiming to you, Thou art fair!
And in true depth of heart
trying only to comfort
proclaiming how earnestly i care
I have taken the roads
which you follow
but time has changed its touch
It was by different means
and in other aspects
but i was shaken just as much
And i stood also trembling
in the shattered world
that torn love does leave
And also called out
with wanton weary
not knowing what to receive
Until at last i found
of believing stage
and this enhancing role
Again i was amazed
by fabulous freedom
and my own depth of soul
And all of a sudden
the borders of our Earth
were far too unjust and small
So i looked into myself
seeing expanses of space
yet knowing them far from all
And i wondered how many
accept this knowledge
that human security was not sound
And in the epochs of past
those allowed near such majesty
somewhat like feelings i have found
We are all universes in a universe
holding universes of this direction
our worlds are ours to populate
with our own tides of effection
There is one i have named Eden
civilized with thoughts of you
it is the one i visit last each day
when my rounds of the others are through
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23FEB86
#138
Sometimes the words are too rugged
times when my heart is too raw
feelings grow fierce in the aura
spreading like fire on scorched straw
My pen then anxious with angers
the world but the dust that it is
but i sooth myself covering page
'til he sooths that which he is
Then i step into the background
and watch whatever is written
and be happy that this storm is over
and try hard not to harbor regret
And am thankful for the pedestalled
for in their lifting i have found
the strength that my ires
have caused me to forget
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#139
Sometimes you are so close
that i can feel you breathing
sometimes your eyes are so full
i have to cry
Sometimes during a pause
i can hear your heart wreathing
then deep within memory's passage
i also die
Sometimes you are so distant
and i know the comfort there
but that does not make it easy
to stand by
The times that focus is clouded
all but inside turns bare
distant like our silent Sol
in warmth i fly
Sometimes in intimate instance
there is such heat in your smile
then awkwardly in loss for word
i wave goodbye
Sometimes in want to be near
i stand so patiently in file
are there times you are angry
because i try?
Top
T o C
#140
I reach
but it is so far
i call
you have just gone
A twinkle
as if a star
so silent
i whisper a wish
Top
T o C
24FEB86
#141
Being lonely
when no one is there
is a feeling
accustomed by me
But lonely
for someone so near
a cell to which you
hold the key
I know you asked not
this condition
therefore
the sentencing mine
I await the fruits
of your friendship
as wedding guests
do the wine
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#142
Multitudes of people
new masses fill each day
managing eons of thought
new knowledge in each word they say
Chances of acquaintance
i leap like a lion upon
articles of memorabilia
in memorial to those who are gone
Wonderful word exchanges
journals of fabulous friends
the fire that now arranges
that times so tediously tends
Filling now my every hour
yet free of all to confess
though i hold these hungry desires
not once have i wanted you less
Top
T o C
25FEB86
#143
This month
obnoxiously quick
has fleeted so swiftly by
unsaid
my exact meanings
desperately dwindling i try
i cannot guess
however
that which your heart's armor hides
and to walk
when my heart lunges
with leaping strides
In a thousand words
in a thousand views
could i make you believe
will the right
phrase come
the truth of my feelings
to relieve?
Top
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#144
Another candle lights the dark
another flickering flame
another halo's glow of hope
another but not the same
This, alas, the answer
to lone and echoed cry
and not, i know, my lady
because you did not try
Our lovely little world
is touched by pain of death and life
is there no utopia
to cure such heartache's strife?
There is, my darling damsel
so frivolous and free
but only if you close your eyes
and open ones that see
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T o C
#145
In beckonings of unity
your pain was overviewed
in quakings of caution
an hidden interlude
Such secret defenses
can only fray the course
thus the line
lest ignorantly i cause remorse
I look at this book
and i cannot pretend
rewritten in one question
Would you be my friend?
In the universe of comfort
our own world of release
warmed by the sun of perception
fragranted by flowers of peace
So i ask you once more
still as patiently
Could you toss your troubled worlds aside
and come to it with me?
Top
T o C
26FEB86
#146
I no longer seek expression
in fashionings of face
but in the splintered shades of blue
where your feelings have found place
I no longer in desperation
beg the comfort of your time
my soul in separation
no longer chilled by rhyme
Your silence now relaxing
its terror, distant past
and do i see acceptance
that my feelings shown will last?
Top
T o C
27FEB86
#147
Inside there was a wind
and it whistled, No! No!
This cannot be happening again!
Then it was covered instantly
by the conscience of my mind
saying, You are such a selfish man.
I had tremors in my soul
and my heart humbly said
maybe she is grief stricken again
And echoed in rebuttal
the conscience of my mind
saying, You are such a selfish man.
My day was spent sleeping
then talking on the phone
and not 'til now did i think of you again
And i am completely engrossed
by the conscience of my mind
shouting, You are such a selfish man!
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T o C
#148
You go through
what you go through
and persistently
i pester you for time
In tears you do
what you must do
and insistently
my efforts become crime
In trying to extend
my willing shoulder your way
i have forged my fatuous
fist into your face
In vying to pretend
there is more in what you say
have i taken tender times
you cannot replace?
What can i do to relieve
the burden i have become?
short of omitting
the presence that is mine
I cannot believe
my requisition's amble sum
i teeter terrified
on refusal's line
The reason i am trapped
within this sordid state
is not because of
brandishes you have shown
Nor the treason to be
wrapped by sovereign fate
but is brought by
misinterpretations of my own
So, if you can, ignore my insistence
for within all reason you are adept
and please continue your friendly grace
until my misled soul can accept
Top
T o C
28FEB86
#149
This month has been easy
writing to my friend
but now fantastic frustration
in bringing it to its end
What can i say
new feelings erupt within me
what can i do
but keep my seat, aside, and see
What is there left
in this, the beginning stage
we have reread each paragraph
now let us turn the page
end of book?
Top
T o C
#150
Now i find i wrestle with
the feelings of my past
now i see the irony
They shall forever last!
Now i see the pain they cause
that eyes to then were blind
and standing on your outside
i know inside my then mind
How could i convince you
that these walls are of no use
that the knife of sudden stranger
cuts no deeper than self-recluse
I know there is no way
i know there is no word
for then what ears received
in heart was never heard
So i stand in open offer
playing the willing waiter's part
for just a glimpse of the whole
shown in traces of your heart
Would love to hear your thoughts on this verse!
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